April 21, 2024

Why “I’m Sorry” Isn’t Enough When Someone is Hurting

Dr.Timothy Hart – Relationship Consultant

In times of distress, it’s natural to utter the phrase “I’m sorry” as a means of offering consolation or empathy. However, there are situations where this phrase falls short, especially when someone is deeply hurting. While the intention behind saying “I’m sorry” may be genuine, it often lacks the depth and understanding needed to truly support someone in pain. Here’s why:Generic Apologies Lack Specificity: “I’m sorry” is a broad statement that doesn’t address the specific situation or feelings of the person who is hurting. It can come across as insincere or dismissive when the recipient is seeking validation or understanding.Failure to Acknowledge Impact: Saying “I’m sorry” may overlook the impact of the situation on the individual. It doesn’t convey an understanding of the depth of their emotions or the extent of the harm caused.Passive Response: “I’m sorry” can sometimes be a passive response that distances the speaker from taking any further action or responsibility. It may signal a desire to move on from the discomfort rather than actively engaging with the person’s pain.Lack of Empathy: While “I’m sorry” can be an expression of sympathy, it may not fully convey empathy. Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of another person, which often requires more than a simple apology.So, what can we say or do instead?Acknowledge Their Feelings: Validate the person’s emotions by acknowledging their pain and expressing empathy. Phrases like “I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you” or “Your feelings are valid, and I’m here to support you” can be more meaningful.Offer Support: Show your willingness to help or provide comfort in practical ways. Ask if there’s anything you can do to assist them or simply lend a listening ear without judgment.Take Responsibility (If Applicable): If you played a role in causing the hurt, take ownership of your actions and apologize sincerely. Acknowledge the impact of your behavior and demonstrate a commitment to making amends.Follow Up: Check in on the person periodically to see how they’re doing and if there’s anything else you can do to support them. Consistent support and presence can make a significant difference in someone’s healing process.In conclusion, while saying “I’m sorry” can be a well-intentioned response, it often falls short of providing the comfort and support needed when someone is hurting. Instead, focus on acknowledging their feelings, offering genuine empathy, and actively supporting them through their pain. It’s through these actions that we can truly demonstrate our care and compassion for others in their time of need.

February 22, 2024

Embracing the Biblical Model of Wifehood: A Timeless Guide to Marriage

Dr.Timothy Hart, D.Min

In a world where societal norms and expectations constantly evolve, the biblical model of wifehood stands as a timeless and enduring guide for many individuals seeking to build a strong foundation for their marriages. Rooted in scripture, the characteristics of a biblical wife offer a profound blueprint for a fulfilling and meaningful partnership. Let’s explore some key aspects of the biblical wife and how these principles can enrich modern marriages.

1. Proverbs 31 Woman:

The Bible’s depiction of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 is often regarded as a benchmark for the biblical wife. This passage highlights qualities such as industriousness, wisdom, and compassion. A biblical wife strives to be a supportive and capable partner, managing her household with diligence and grace.

2. Submission and Respect:

Ephesians 5:22-24 emphasizes the concept of submission in marriage. While often misconstrued, biblical submission is not about inferiority but about mutual respect and cooperation. The biblical wife respects her husband’s role as the leader of the family, fostering unity and harmony.

3. Unconditional Love:

Ephesians 5:25 beautifully encapsulates the biblical principle of love within marriage. A biblical wife is called to love her husband unconditionally, mirroring the sacrificial love Christ has for His church. This love serves as the cornerstone for a strong and enduring marital bond.

4. Nurturing the Home:

Titus 2:3-5 encourages older women to teach younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, and homemakers. The biblical wife takes pride in creating a warm and nurturing home environment, recognizing the importance of her role in shaping the family’s well-being.

5. Prayer and Faith:

A biblical wife understands the significance of prayer and faith in sustaining a marriage. By seeking God’s guidance and relying on His strength, she navigates challenges with resilience, fostering a spiritual connection with her husband.

6. Humility and Gentleness:

Colossians 3:12-14 emphasizes virtues such as humility, gentleness, and patience. The biblical wife strives to embody these qualities, creating a peaceful and loving atmosphere within her marriage.

7. Partnership in Decision-Making:

While the biblical husband is recognized as the head of the household, Proverbs 31 and other passages illustrate that the biblical wife is a valuable partner in decision-making. Her insights and wisdom contribute to the overall success of the family.

In embracing the biblical model of wifehood, modern couples can find guidance that transcends cultural shifts and societal norms. It is important to note that interpretations of biblical principles may vary, and open communication between spouses is crucial for understanding and implementing these values in a way that resonates with both partners. Ultimately, the biblical wife seeks to honor God through her marriage, fostering a union characterized by love, respect, and unwavering commitment.

February 19, 2024

Nurturing Bonds: Exploring the Essence of Marriage as a Relationship

Dr. Timothy Hart, Relationship Consultant



Marriage, at its core, is more than just a legal or societal institution; it contains a profound and intricate relationship between two individuals. In this blog post, let’s delve into the multifaceted dimensions of marriage as a relationship, exploring the dynamics, challenges, and the beauty that unfolds within the sacred bonds of matrimony.

1. **The Foundation: Building a Life Together**

Marriage serves as the foundation for building a shared life. It goes beyond the vows exchanged on the wedding day, encompassing the daily choices, compromises, and collaborative efforts that couples make to construct a life intertwined with love, trust, and mutual support.
2. **Communication: The Lifeline of Marital Bonds**

Effective communication is the lifeline of any relationship, and marriage is no exception. The ability to express emotions, share dreams, and navigate challenges through open and honest communication strengthens the marital connection. It fosters understanding, deepens intimacy, and builds a sense of unity.

3. **Navigating Challenges: Growth Through Adversity**

Every marriage encounters challenges, be it external pressures or internal conflicts. The way a couple navigates these challenges defines the resilience of their relationship. Facing adversity together can lead to personal and collective growth, forging a stronger bond that withstands the tests of time.

4. **Individual Identities: Balancing “I” and “We”**

Marriage doesn’t erase individual identities; rather, it calls for a delicate balance between personal autonomy and shared experiences. Recognizing and respecting each other’s uniqueness while fostering a sense of togetherness is essential for a healthy and thriving marital relationship.

5. **Love and Intimacy: Sustaining the Flame**

The flame of love and intimacy requires continual nurturing. Small gestures, shared moments of joy, and physical and emotional intimacy contribute to keeping the connection alive. It’s an ongoing process of rediscovering each other and evolving as a couple.

6. **Growing Together: A Journey of Shared Development**

Marriage offers a unique opportunity for shared growth. As individuals evolve over time, the relationship must adapt to accommodate these changes. Couples who actively invest in each other’s personal development find that their marital bond deepens as they navigate life’s journey hand in hand.

7. **Celebrating Milestones: Cherishing Shared Memories**

Whether it’s the birth of children, career achievements, or simple everyday victories, celebrating milestones together strengthens the fabric of the marital relationship. These shared memories become the pillars that support the enduring structure of love and companionship.

**Conclusion: A Dynamic Tapestry of Love and Connection**

In conclusion, marriage, as a relationship, is a dynamic tapestry woven with threads of love, communication, shared growth, and mutual support. It requires continuous effort, understanding, and a commitment to building a life together. As couples navigate the intricate dance of togetherness, they discover the richness and depth that marriage adds to their journey through life. It is a celebration of the unique connection between two individuals who choose to embark on life’s adventure as lifelong partners.

July 17, 2023

Misunderstood Value

Two regiments went to war. One went through a mountain pass the other through thick and dark forest. Both paths were to converge at the enemy camp they thought would be difficult to find. Both regiments were given instructions not to advance without seeing the other regimens signal. The mountain regimen arrived first and settled in to wait for the signal. Upon arrival at the edge of the forest, the forest regimen saw the mountain and ruffled the trees so the rising birds would give the mountain regimen a clear sign of their arrival. Hearing the battle raging, the forest regimen rushed in from the flank of the attacking army and were able to become victorious. Many couples lose important battles because their positioning gives adversity a strong foothold. The problem with fighting from a stoney mountain is that it is way too easy for your position to be revealed by the slightest sound where the trees can absorb the sound and assist in maintaining your cover.

One of the greatest issues that women have is that they make a lot of noise with nothing to support their position. The stones represent attitudes and ideas that Te useless in the accomplishment of goals.

Society has made her confused. Men are fixers. If you don’t want your problem fixed, why reveal it to a fixer? Makes no sense. Of she says I just need to be heard, you asking him to pander to a childish need to be recognized. There is nothing more frustrating to a man than watching his partner go through challenges and not be able to help. It also makes him avoid being attentive as the waste of time listening to pointless banter cause of a need to be heard is prime ground for confusion which most men work very hard to not be part of.

It is time for woman to understand that the standard for good behavior is the same for everyone. It is like fighting from the mountain; your noise will give away your position and you will be defeated. You now have trouble finding mates. The Kool aide of affluence and prosperity is leaving you frustrated and angry. You cannot continue to fight against your husband while aligning with strangers. You give your boss the respect and admiration you should give your husband. You think that being equal to men is an accomplishment while the real power is not on the face of the mountain but in the stillness and tranquility of the forest.

The government has become a husband to many to the disadvantage of your children who need real time fathering. You are a formidable entity who will never be recognized as such until your real strengths are displayed with the ancillary skills that you acquire from warfare against men but used to support his waring by defending what he can’t see.

Men love women. That’s a given. He loves her so much he would NEVER abandon his position as a man to secure anything he needs to care for her and his offspring. He will never in his right mind allow a violent environment around you so he appreciates when you bring and keep peace in his presence.

A real man will never tolerate the mountain fighter once he realizes she will with her behavior one day destroy all he has worked for. This does nor say that all men are perfect nor does it say that all women are failures. It does illustrates the fact that both sould know and focus on being the best in their respective positions and give 100 percent of themselves to the cause of the relationship.

June 27, 2023

Watch the manipulation!

Withdrawing is a sign that either the person is unstable or attempting to manipulate you.

From time to time, we have problems. These challenges can cause our behavior to be less that acceptable and there will always be collateral damage; at work, in social circles and more often in the home. It can be an awful place to live when a partner feels apprehensive about approaching you. Especially when your common response to an inquiry of condition is “Im ok”,”Im alright” and phrases of the sort when you know its not the truth. Here’s a new flash, if you have a pattern of lying even about your true feelings, you are not trust worthy and its only a matter of time begore your behavior betrays the very fiber of your relationship.

It has been said that women mature faster than men. I have an issue with this as most breakups are caused by unhappy women; most domestic disturbance calls are the end result usually of some violent tirade and when it backfires they resort to calling the authorities as she has to win. This does not say that women are the challenge totally, it just means that in the grand scheme of things the obvious lack of maturity of a large portion of the female population creates doubt as to the validity of that claim.

It is a females have an emotional orientation; males have this as well but not as the dominant source of responsive energy. Manipulation is often subtle until it is exposed and the person doing the manipulating is well into the behavior and it is not easy to abandon it. So How do you prevent being manipulated?

  1. Place your value in an intangible and not in something that elicits strong feelings. It is easy to fall into an inordinate affection with something that fades with time and that does not have any real value such as beauty, physical form, possessions, cohorts and the like. These things create holes in the character as these things have the ability to cause dishonesty in order to get them.
  2. Get in the habit of not moving when someone is emotional. You must calm the emotions and allow logic to rule in anything is to get accomplished and anyone who uses emotions to convince you to do anything is trying to manipulate you.
  3. Set and allow your partner to be aware of your boundaries and establish a zero tolerance policy in respect to them. If anyone tries to convince you to do things you have a zero tolerance policy for turn and walk away immediately. If you are married to that person, strengthen your resolve and make it a practice of not moving until they can discuss moving against your personal policy in a logical and progressive program with a contingency in the event it goes south. For example, if your partner wants to go on a trip that requires saving, let them start the savings account with the dollar amount goal along with how much they are willing to contribute to the effort.
  4. Make your self improvement a quest absent of your partners input. There is nothing worse than the phrase I have them trained, what this actually says that you allow someone to have an input on the eternal plan for your life by adding to the scripts that you use to walk your life plan. Keep your partner out of your self development plan or you will find yourself doing things for them only to find yourself with hole in your heart when they leave. Be whole for your own sake and your benevolence will go where it supposed to go and you will see the reality of the character of your partner; whether they appreciate you and what you do or not.

FLIPSIDE…CONVERSELY SPEAKING

Ladies, the men in your life have a critical and crucial role in your life. If you do you wrong, you may find yourself in a very wrong place with him. Way too often women have gotten into a situation with a man without the slightest hint of how to be something for him. There is a lot of talk about submission and there has been much pushback about the term because you have no clue as to your role in any relationship and the scripts you use are even more faulty and dysfunctional. If you plan to get married remember what is happening and be ready to assume the appropriate role. You are the helper. The helper is the driving force in any situation. The helper has to be strong in order to be a support for the principle performer. They must know and understand not only their role but the role of the one whom they are slated to help.

You enter into the institution of marriage thinking its a relationship, its not. Marriage is an institution which two people enter into and vow to stay in together. The marriage vow does not say I promise to stay married, it say I promise to have and hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health for as long as you both shall live. This outlines the conditions you must over come in order to remain in this institution. The key to performing these is to know your psychological, physiological and sociological orientation which is determined by the factors of life; biology, psychology and sociology. If you are religious then the some holy book is the rule and conduct for your life as such is the rule and conduct for how you behave as a partner. If you enter into this emotionally, not only will you get it wrong, you can be easily manipulated into doing things which should be against anyone’s boundary construct. If its against the law its a boundary marker…PERIOD! If you allow illegal activity as a part of your relationship construct, you are an accessory and an enabler to your partner and what you get is the result of your behavior.

It is a good rule of thumb to not enter into anything emotionally, which is why refraining from sex is a good idea. Sex and the prelude to it elicits the pinnacle of emotional tempests and it is very difficult to hear reason once the enjoyment of orgasm is achieved. Some have made a commitment based on that single act and have been sorely mistaken. When sex is the motivation, you can be blinded and will likely pass by the obvious red flags. Even if your friends tell you and most of your friends say in unison that you are being tricked, manipulated, you will fight for the unknown man that you only know about his sexual ability and the fact that you shared that with him.

When you are in any relationship, the same rules for him apply to you. Know what you want and don’t compromise them. If your goal is to be a wife, associate with those who agree with your position. The truth is clear evil communications corrupts good manners. You cannot associate with single women and continue the strive to be a wife. Their social focus is different than yours and if you indulge you are likely to render yourself damaged goods and your desires for a husband will change and you will likely settle for less that your worth cause you shared the most intimate part of yourself with for the sake of whatever reason you do it. Man is angry with you, its not manipulation unless he leaves you and you beg him to return to you. He will likely require you to do things that are not on your boundary list and you will walk on egg shells until de decides to allow you a break. This ma’am is manipulation. Ultimatums are not manipulation, when the ultimatum includes things that you made clear you wont do is the manipulation. So here are some ways not to be victims of manipulation:

If you have gotten anything form this blog and think more people should see it, then drop a donation and support the work. You can donate through cash app $kkadesh; or you can go to my podcast site Dr. Connexpert https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/timothy-hart3. Relationships can be tough if you or someone you know need help dealing with situations, point them to the blog posts. Thank you in advance for your support.

June 15, 2023

Letting go of toxic relationships: When to abandon fruitless people?

Toxic relationships can be incredibly draining and emotionally exhausting. They can take a toll on your mental health and leave you feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. Sometimes, it can be difficult to recognize when it’s time to let go of a toxic relationship. It might be a friend, a family member, or even a romantic partner. However, it’s important to understand that not all relationships are worth holding onto. In this post, we’ll explore some of the signs of a toxic relationship and provide some guidance on when it’s time to let go of fruitless people. We’ll help you understand why it’s important to set boundaries and how you can begin to rebuild and prioritize your own happiness. So, if you’re struggling to let go of a toxic relationship, this post is for you.

1. Introduction to toxic relationships

Toxic relationships can leave a lasting impact on a person’s life, both emotionally and physically. They can drain a person’s energy, affect their mental health, and even lead to physical harm. Toxic relationships can occur in any type of relationship, whether it be with a romantic partner, family member, friend, or coworker. These relationships are characterized by constant negativity, manipulation, and lack of respect and support.
It’s important to recognize when a relationship has become toxic and to take steps to remove yourself from the situation. This can be difficult, especially if you’ve been in the relationship for a long time or have developed strong feelings for the other person. However, it’s important to prioritize your own well-being and mental health. As the saying goes, “sometimes the people who are thousands of miles away from you can make you feel better than the people who are right beside you.” It’s okay to let go of toxic relationships and distance yourself from those who are draining your energy and causing you harm.

2. Signs of a toxic relationship

Toxic relationships can have a profound and long-lasting negative impact on our lives. In order to let go of them, it is important to recognize the signs of a toxic relationship. Some of the most common signs include constant criticism, manipulation, and a lack of accountability. If you find that you are constantly being put down, made to feel guilty, or always the one apologizing even when you have done nothing wrong, it is a strong indication that the relationship may be toxic.
Another sign of a toxic relationship is when one person is consistently taking more than they are giving. It is important for any relationship to be a two-way street, where both parties are invested in each other’s well-being and happiness. If one person is only interested in what they can get out of the relationship, and shows little or no concern for the other person’s needs or feelings, then it may be time to let go.
Finally, if a relationship is causing you more stress and anxiety than happiness and fulfillment, then it is likely that it is not serving your best interests. If you find yourself constantly worrying about what the other person is thinking or doing, or if you feel like you are walking on eggshells around them, then it is a sign that the relationship is not healthy and may be toxic. Recognizing these signs and being willing to let go of a toxic relationship is an important step towards healing and moving on to happier and more fulfilling relationships.

3. Why it’s important to let go of toxic relationships

Having toxic relationships can be emotionally and mentally exhausting, not to mention it can be detrimental to your overall well-being. It’s important to understand that letting go of toxic relationships does not make you weak or selfish, but rather it’s a form of self-care and self-respect.

Toxic relationships can come in different shapes and sizes, whether it’s a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even a family member. These relationships can drain your energy, create negativity, and lead to feelings of anxiety and stress.

When you’re in a toxic relationship, it can be hard to see things clearly. You might feel like you’re in a cycle of constantly trying to please the other person, but never feeling good enough. You might also be putting up with negative behaviors such as verbal abuse, manipulation, or controlling behaviors.

Letting go of toxic relationships means putting yourself first and recognizing that you deserve better. It’s about setting boundaries and protecting your well-being. This might mean cutting ties with certain people or limiting contact with them. It might also mean seeking professional help or support from loved ones.

Remember, you have the power to choose who you surround yourself with and the relationships you want to keep in your life. Letting go of toxic relationships can be difficult, but it’s a necessary step towards a healthier and happier life.

4. Benefits of letting go of toxic relationships

Letting go of toxic relationships can be a difficult decision, but it can also be one of the best things you can do for yourself. There are many benefits to cutting ties with people who only bring negativity and toxicity into your life.
Firstly, it can greatly improve your mental health and well-being. Toxic relationships can drain your energy, leaving you feeling drained and stressed. By removing these negative influences from your life, you can reduce your stress levels and improve your overall mood.
Secondly, letting go of toxic relationships can help you to rediscover your own identity and values. Toxic relationships can often cause you to lose sight of who you are and what you believe in. By removing these influences from your life, you can focus on your own goals and aspirations.
Thirdly, letting go of toxic relationships can help you to build healthier relationships in the future. Toxic relationships can often leave you with a distorted view of what a healthy relationship looks like. By removing these negative influences, you can learn to recognize and appreciate healthy relationships when they come into your life.
Ultimately, letting go of toxic relationships can be a difficult and painful process, but it can also be a necessary step towards a happier and healthier life. It’s important to remember that you deserve to be surrounded by positive and supportive people who lift you up rather than tear you down.

5. When to abandon fruitless people

Knowing when to abandon fruitless people is a difficult decision, but it’s essential to your well-being. It can be challenging to let go of a relationship that you’ve invested time and energy into, but it’s necessary to recognize when a relationship is no longer serving your best interests. A toxic relationship can have a negative impact on your self-esteem, mental health, and overall happiness. If you find yourself making excuses for someone’s behavior or feeling drained after spending time with them, then it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
Toxic people often exhibit patterns of negative behavior such as manipulation, gossiping, and emotional abuse. They may also be highly critical or judgmental, causing you to feel inferior or insecure. If you’re constantly walking on eggshells around someone or feel like you have to change who you are to please them, then it’s time to let go.
It’s important to remember that letting go of a toxic relationship doesn’t mean you’re giving up on that person or that you’re a bad person. It’s simply recognizing that the relationship is no longer beneficial to either party and that it’s time to move on. Cutting ties with someone can be difficult, but it’s a necessary step towards prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being. You deserve to surround yourself with positive, supportive people who lift you up and make you feel good about yourself.

6. How to recognize when it’s time to let go

Recognizing when it’s time to let go of a toxic relationship is not always easy, but it’s necessary for your own mental and emotional well-being. One of the most obvious signs is feeling drained and exhausted after interacting with the person. If you find yourself constantly feeling anxious, sad or uneasy when you are around them, then it’s a clear indication that it’s time to let go.
Another sign is when the person consistently takes more than they give. This can be in the form of emotional support, financial support, or even just time and energy. If you constantly find yourself giving and not receiving anything in return, then it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
Trust is also a crucial aspect of any relationship, and if you find yourself constantly doubting the person’s intentions or feeling like they are not trustworthy, then it’s definitely time to let go. It’s important to remember that you deserve to be surrounded by people who uplift and support you, not bring you down.
Finally, if the relationship is causing you more harm than good, either mentally or physically, then it’s time to let go. It’s never easy to walk away from a relationship, but it’s important to prioritize your own well-being and surround yourself with people who bring positivity and happiness into your life.

7. Strategies for ending toxic relationships

If you have made the difficult decision to end a toxic relationship, there are some strategies that can help you navigate the process:

1. Be clear and direct: It’s important to be honest and direct about your feelings and intentions. Avoid beating around the bush or making excuses, as this can prolong the process and create confusion.

2. Set boundaries: If you’re ending a toxic relationship, it’s likely that the other person has been crossing your boundaries for some time. Be firm about your boundaries and communicate them clearly.

3. Seek support: Ending a toxic relationship can be emotionally challenging, so it’s important to have a support system in place. Reach out to friends, family members, or a therapist for guidance and emotional support.

4. Cut ties: In some cases, it may be necessary to cut ties completely with a toxic person. This means unfollowing them on social media, blocking their number, and avoiding places where you know they’ll be.

5. Practice self-care: Letting go of a toxic relationship can be a transformative experience, but it’s important to take care of yourself throughout the process. Prioritize self-care activities like exercise, meditation, and spending time with loved ones.

Remember, ending a toxic relationship is not easy, but it’s often necessary for your own well-being and personal growth. With these strategies, you can navigate the process with grace and resilience.

8. How to set boundaries with toxic people

Setting boundaries is essential when dealing with toxic people. It takes a lot of courage to do so, especially if you have been in a toxic relationship for a long time. However, it is important to remember that setting boundaries is about protecting your mental and emotional well-being.

Start by identifying what behaviors are unacceptable to you. This could be anything from name-calling to physical abuse. Next, communicate your boundaries clearly and firmly. Let the toxic person know what behavior you will not tolerate and what the consequences will be if they do not respect your boundaries.

It is also important to stick to your boundaries. If the toxic person crosses the line, follow through with the consequences you have set. This could mean ending the relationship or limiting contact.

Remember that setting boundaries is not about changing the toxic person. It is about protecting yourself and your well-being. If the toxic person continues to disrespect your boundaries, it may be time to let go of the relationship altogether.

9. How to move on from a toxic relationship

Moving on from a toxic relationship is not easy. It can be one of the most difficult things you’ll ever have to do, but it’s essential for your own well-being. Here are some steps to take that can help you move on from a toxic relationship:

1. Accept that the relationship is toxic – the first step to moving on is to acknowledge that the relationship is unhealthy. This can be difficult, especially if you have been in the relationship for a long time, but it’s important to recognize that the relationship is not serving you.

2. Cut off contact – this can be hard, but it’s important to cut off all contact with the toxic person, at least for a while. This means unfollowing them on social media, deleting their number, and avoiding places where you might bump into them.

3. Seek support – it’s important to have a support system in place when you’re trying to move on from a toxic relationship. This can be friends, family, or even a therapist. Having someone to talk to can help you process your emotions and work through any trauma you may have experienced.

4. Take care of yourself – self-care is crucial when you’re trying to move on from a toxic relationship. This means taking care of your physical and emotional needs. Make sure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.

5. Focus on the future – it’s important to focus on the future and not dwell on the past. This means setting goals for yourself and working towards them. It can also mean trying new things and exploring new hobbies.

Moving on from a toxic relationship is never easy, but it’s essential for your own well-being. By taking these steps, you can begin to heal and move forward with your life.

10. Conclusion and self-care tips

In conclusion, it’s important to recognize when a relationship has become toxic and unfruitful. While it may be difficult to let go of people who have been a part of our lives for a long time, it’s important to prioritize our own mental and emotional health. Abandoning fruitless relationships can be a difficult but necessary step towards creating a more positive and fulfilling life.

To take care of yourself during this process, it’s important to practice self-care. This can include engaging in activities that bring you joy, such as hobbies or spending time with loved ones who uplift you. It’s important to remember that you are worthy of healthy and positive relationships and that it’s okay to set boundaries and say no to toxic behavior.

Another important aspect of self-care is seeking professional help if needed. This can include therapy or counseling to work through any trauma or emotional wounds that may have resulted from the toxic relationship. It’s important to prioritize your mental health and seek help when needed.

Overall, letting go of toxic relationships is a difficult but necessary step towards creating a more positive and fulfilling life. By prioritizing our own mental and emotional health and practicing self-care, we can move forward and build healthier and more fulfilling relationships with those around us.

We hope that our blog post on letting go of toxic relationships has given you the courage and guidance you need to make the decision that is right for you. It can be challenging to let go of people who have been a part of your life for a long time, but sometimes it’s necessary for your own well-being. Remember, you deserve to be surrounded by positive and supportive people who love and respect you. If you’re struggling with this decision, we hope that our tips have helped you to gain some clarity and confidence. Thank you for reading, and best of luck on this journey of self-discovery and growth.

Dr. Connexpert is Available for online consultation. You can book a session on his facebook page http://www.facebook.com/UnitedPeoplePMA; You can hear his podcasts on Anchor.com and most podcast platforms. Just Put Dr. Connexpert in the search bar. This work is supported by the donations of faithful subscribers. Please help this work to grow with your contributions.

May 13, 2023

Marriage – Truth not fiction

Lately I have been reading the posts of other writers. I can’t say that I am cheering like an avid fan of my favorite sports team but I will say that many writers write what they feel as if it’s truth. I’m here to encourage all of us to take care to not preach your truth as if it is the truth. Fact about it, there are some things you probably should keep to yourself.

Marriage is a subject I feel passionate about. Not only because of its benefits but the need for it to be the pillar that it is not what we want to make it.

I want to start by saying, marriage is not a relationship. If you get into it without knowing what it’s all about, you are probably the same person that eat a strange plant not knowing if it’s edible or not. Or you like the idea of someone telling you who you can make promise to.

Marriage is an institution. You have nothing to do with it’s establishment so stop claiming it as yours. So to claim you have a good one or a bad one implies that you somehow have the power to determine the quality of it when the reality is marriage is neither good nor bad it just is. To claim the right to title is like going to the grocery store, buying a soda and saying this is a bad bottle but the soda is good, when the reality is the bottle is doing what it was designed to do. If we judge good or bad among bottles the bad one is the one that is not holding the liquid it was designed to deliver. Marriage is just like that. It’s designed to keep the society in line with government and to create legal lineages not to create a place for you to legitimize your urges and passions for each other. The rules do just the opposite, they make you put your passions in check.

The failure many discuss when it comes to matrimony have nothing to do with the institution, it’s the relationship that was faulty. Marriage is a fixed entity which your emotions and passions will never change. Your Relationship is fluid and changes as the wind blows. What you are doing when you enter marriage is taking an ever evolving entity (your relationship) and placing it in a fixed arena(marriage). If you do not work on your self you are inviting failure before you even get started.

For those who are still in the institution and are solid, good for you. Just be aware the evolution of the individual ends as death. For those of you who are in and not having a good time of it. Focus on your own behavior and stop making demands on your partner; browbeating using the marriage vow as a weapon of control makes you a vow breaker and if your partner needs that cause they are just not a good partner, it’s best you find other pastures cause faulty people in marriage makes a mockery of the institution and fool out of you.

So everyone, keep life in its correct perspectives. It’s you and your partner 1st then the entry mutually and agreeably into any institution is the recipe for success.

March 22, 2023

The Same Page

If you are reading this, it common to think of title and analyze whether you and your partner are on the same page. I want to tell you that from this moment forward that using this term can denote condescension and the implication that the other party is ignorant. When they figure out your true feelings you are likely to have trust issues from that day forward.

It is clear to those of us who work with people that being on the same page means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme. Two people can read the same book, see the same page and arrive at a very different conclusion about the subject matter.

Let’s take the term exclusivity. When a man and a woman think exclusivity there can be two very different attitudes about it. This is because testosterone driven people (men) are by and large not monogamous by nature but are by rule and socialism. Then there is the pushback by the woman which is a strong motivator in the institution marriage. Woman look at their mates as a possession will not consider any type of mate sharing. Men see exclusivity as one of mine; women see mine only. Same term same page different interpretation.

The understanding people have is based on a singular mindset which is the cause of the temporary nature of relationships in this day and time. In order to really have the type of agreement that stands the test of time, those who are at the table of agreement my must know that not every mind will see the same things exactly. The second thing they should know that to push someone into your understanding and not only dangerous but will certainly put a tremendous strain on you as you cannot move without the person attached to the tether of your instructions. As the saying goes, if you put you foot in my neck, you can move forward if you want me to stay put.

So are you on the same page? I say read the notes and check the bottom or top right or left hand corners. Don’t worry about what page a person is on just behave with love and play your role with precision and what you agree to will be executed.

.

March 18, 2023

For or because of..

One of the most prominent area of falsehood is in the area of benevolence. There are many things we do and we claim that they are for someone when in fact it is because of someone

The term “for” is a term that means in the interest or benefit of; so when you do something for someone it is the recipient who benefits.

The term “because of” is a term that is a reactive term that carries with it the fact that something has happened.

This is important because the attitude of many when they do something for someone is that the recipient should benefit when the reality they are doing the deed because they need to feel good about it, or the desire to change the disposition of the recipient. Neither are functional behaviors as we should never do anything for anyone with the attitude of gaining any benefit from it. It should be all about the recipient.

Many relationships dissolve because one or both parties have the attitude that what they do for someone should produce some type of reciprocal act usually of gratitude or thankfulness. Many acts are designed to give the giver some sort of value in the eyes of the recipient and when this does not happen there is disappointment.

If you are a husband reading this, you will likely get the feeling that there is someone who finally gets it as men operate out of duty and very rarely expect any benefit, but just desire the recipient get the most of the act. If you are a woman reading this you may feel as if you are not being appreciated because you do “your womanly duty” when I reality the moment you don’t get the pat on the back,an emotional verbal response or the usual pseudohonor on a man made holiday that you are not appreciated when what you have done is display how childish you are.

If you do anything for someone, whether you get anything feeling wise or physically, the gratitude should be the ability to perform it and if it is what that person needs you will get a positive response. If it’s not what they need you likely won’t get the response you expect.

Home is a place where there is duty and candor. Because we claim to love our partners we do things. When the reality is that fulfilling a role has nothing to do with your partner yet they get a collateral benefit from your performance. If you hug your spouse it should be because you are a hugger and loving her only provides motivation to continue doing it. We cook and clean cause we like doing it (or at least some of us do). If not you are doing it because of your mate and some social scripted notion of what your gender is supposed to do.

The love we give is for our partner not because they are our partners. I produce these posts because I love doing it so I do it for you. I’m blessed to deliver whether you are blessed by it or not.

February 24, 2023

I Don’t Need You to be Correct

There is a lot of to do about who is acting appropriately and who is not. The men have been publishing scathing reviews about the behavior of women and the truth is evident however, she has reviews as well.

It is important to note that there is a huge issue here and that is many are putting the burden of their behavior on others and this keeps the division between the genders.

To be clear, it’s no one’s responsibility for your behavior but yours. No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do. It is your responsibility to conduct yourself in a manner that speaks positivity and respect. It is a truth that respectable people seek truth in themselves before requiring it of others. Men have abandoned their kingship trying to convince women to be a particular way. When the truth is clear, who you are men is not contingent on her behavior. You should be professional men regardless of what issues she has.

You should be the structure she’s looking for and if she’s not, leave her alone. There is no crime in distancing yourself from that which is causing you act in a manner that is not indicative of a gentleman. If the law is against you, then step up and make the changes by political process. If you keep making her central in your life you will submit to her and make yourself subject to her dysfunction.

Ladies, when you lead with sexuality, you get listed after. It’s clear that you are lost as well cause you keep trying to make men accept your offer when it’s not what he is looking for. You want a quality man, present a real lady and lead with intelligence. When you take out your weave, clean off the makeup you have nothing else. Only animals compete cosmetically for a mate. You need to be a better listener and stop acting like children. I know your emotional orientation can be a hindrance to common sense which is why the men are designed to lead.

If you submit you will find you will get more than you bargained for. If you feel like he’s not worth it the leave. Don’t make this life and yours miserable so you can have control over him. Your lack of submission to the natural order is what hinders him from being his best with you. You want stuff he wants peace. Give him the peace, he will fight hard to see you get what you want.

Men it’s not in your nature to acquiesce to anyone’s whims and foolishness. Practice chivalry and she will prove herself worthy or unworthy. Ladies be a lady and you won’t attract anyone unworthy of the gifts you possess.

YOU DON’T NEED ANYONE TO BE YOUR CORRECT. SO GET ON YOUR JOB AND BE WHAT YOU KNOW YOU NEED TO BE.